PROGRESS

Everything is the opposite of what it seems. In their pure unadulterated love of Allah and hatred of life, the jihadis may save us all from our own excesses. In their impure totally adulterated love of theory and hatred of life, the Communists inspired many of these excesses. Space flight is an offshoot of the cold war between the US and the USSR, a war of initials and slogans, CIA vs. KGB, DMZ on LSD, Marxist theory vs. domino theory, sputniks and beatniks, nuclear fallout and college dropouts. It was their Germans versus our Germans, those who managed to escape the wrath of Adolph’s meat tenderizer. Policies of mutual deterrence and massive retaliation and mutually assured destruction meant that missiles needed to be launched and systems needed to be developed. There wasn’t much time, but fortunately there was plenty of Space, so we blasted our rockets into it, jerking off in each other’s faces, in an ancient adolescent masturbation contest. Like pandas pissing on trees, whoever shoots highest gets the girls, all of them, sexy Latinas and Asian hotties, out-call only, twenty-four hour service, satisfaction guaranteed, clean and discreet. Allah can have Africa; he deserves it.

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